Tuesday, June 3, 2008

White Lines? Where?

White Lines? Where?
Tim Long

Under urgings from overworked friends needing something to do in their offices while their bosses in their ill-fitting Belk Store suits drone on about office synergies and paper usage, I'm putting together this little collection of goodies...

To begin with the benign, here we have the apartment resident with out of state plates, after living here a year. He parks here numerous times a day/week/month, so you assume he would get it right eventually. I guess not, but he's from New York, so I'll cut him slack for not having it all upstairs to begin with. That, and his girlfriend (or whatever she is) always seems to get out of the passenger seat in her pajamas and a 40 oz malt liquor. Now I just feel sorry for him, and think he did a great job parking under the circumstances. heh, heh, heh.

Anyone who knows me knows what I think of people who drive Hummers. The great thing about Hummers is that I don't need to comment on them often because they are so ridiculous, that they sort of speak for themselves. I could never be friends with someone who owns one. I can barely talk to a Hummer owner and keep a straight face. So, when I saw this dope picking up laundry, parked on the cross-marks and halfway in a handi spot, I felt like walking up to him and telling him that I work for US News and World Report and I was doing a story on the gas prices in the US, and that my angle was the gluttony of tools like himself were the second leading cause of this crisis (mis-speculation being the first). Then I'd laugh, tell him I'm joking, and smack him in the forehead.

"Hey, Champ, don't mind that baby stroller on the sidewalk." This nice maneuver I found at my favorite watering hole. Looks like this guy watered his hole beforehand. Granted, this small lot is often full, but the sad part is that there's a full lot next to it (where I parked before snapping this shot). So, I surmise this person is stupid AND lazy.

Whoa Big Blue! Though I didn't see this driver, I imagine he is one of those 17 year olds who live in Myers Park (a wealthy neighborhood in Charlotte, NC). You know what I mean; the ones with mom and dad's old SUV and one of those comb down haircuts that make them look like penis heads (literally).

Yeah, not much to do with parking, but I thought I'd include it anyway. I had the fortune of finally going to an emergency medical center with a five day straight fever. It's the first time I've been to the Dr. since, well, over a decade, due mostly by my dislike and frustration with the US's health care system and insurance mafia. Sitting on the cracked plastic table awaiting my angel to write a prescription I was a bit surprized at the scarcity of supplies in the room. I think I saw a bug on the wall too. Wonder what he had.