Thursday, April 3, 2008

White Line Wonders

White Line Wonders
Tim Long

Thank goodness for digital cameras. If I had to develop all the shots I take of half-witted driving and parking maneuvers, I'd be poor. I would like to get a dash-mounted camera for the action shots of dopes driving. I quit road cycling for the sole reason that I'm scared of the way people drive now. Cell phones, texting, music selecting, taking photos, no one seems to drive as the primary function while in the car anymore. I saw a guy spin his truck off the highway entrance ramp and into the ditch the other day. There was not another car near him.

Here my theory of human herding instincts is captured. One guy parks ridiculously, so another guy pulls up next to him and manages the "quatro" by taking up four spots. Why? Maybe I'm odd (okay, I'm odd, that's established), but I couldn't imagine wanting to park my vehicle like this.

Here we have the rare night shot. this is one of those dudes who picked himself up an old Mercedes with 400 million miles on it, and thinks he's something special because he's driving a car that costs $60k....two decades ago. He buys his dress shirts at Walmart for $12, then spends $20 a month getting it dry cleaned.

"It's the shopping carts! Oh my god, the carts!" If you'll notice, there are plenty of spots open. Why would you 1. park next to stray shopping carts? and 2. pull a near quatro trying to avoid them? Is that his assigned spot? If I owned a tow truck, it would be a blast to move this car to another spot (parked correctly). Knowing which town this shot was taken, the owner would likely believe aliens moved it.

Unfortunately, I take all these shots with my phone, so the details in this photo will need narration to enable proper understanding, entertainment, and appreciation.

First, where are we going with those tires? I would guess he lives on a remote farm and has to navigate a long, rugged, muddy, mountainous driveway to get home, though, considering the vehicle is spotless, it's doubtful. As we move to the roof, there are the following items: A red emergency mountain shovel, an ice mountain climbing axe, and some other weird tools I've never seen before (and I have actually climbed mountains). Also on the roof are 5 billion watt spot lights, just in case his head lights both burn out at the same time.

I was confused (as I always am) why there's a very heavy duty winch on the front of this lovely, and useful, vehicle. I could tell by the shiny hook on the end of the winch cable that it had never been deployed, and thus, never used. There's also a 12 ton gage steel battering ram protecting the grill. The whole package is topped off with a SCUBA diving sticker on the side window. When people put diving stickers on their vehicles, it tells me that they have the basic certification and have, at most, 3 dives under their weight belt. I can say this because I have numerous advanced SCUBA certifications with nearly 200 dives to my credit. I do not have a sticker on my car.

Fun little group of photos. I'm looking forward to warmer weather with sunny days and leafs on trees. These shots all seem to be taken on rainy days, and are a little gloomy, but funny non the less.

Please feel free to send me photos that you personally take of anything that illustrates that we have numerous rungs to go on the ladder of evolution as humans.


Anonymous said...

"Cell phones, texting, music selecting, taking photos, no one seems to drive as the primary function while in the car anymore." I hope you included yourself in this statement as I've rode with you before and witnessed the music selecting part!

Footfeathers said...

and the photo taking part... and the texting, and email part, and...